Owning my path

I haven't written anything in a few weeks but I have been hard at work and pondering my training in and practice of Muay Thai, perhaps a trifle more pondering than is healthy but there it is. Here is what I have come to: I have to own this path more completely.

I am a big believer in the respect that is due one's teachers and coaches in martial arts, and I feel nothing but respect and gratitude towards all the people who have helped train me to date. Indeed, I have followed the suggestions and training regimens suggested by them quite closely, and waited when told to wait and acted when told to act.

But this is simply not likely to get get me much further down my path for a number of reasons. First, I am old to be doing this and no one is under any illusions that i am just a few wins from going pro. The result is that training opportunities are limited and not really that interesting to those who do work with me. They are to a person absolutely cool about it, but try as I might I am not ever going to be much stronger, faster or more flexible. I don't have 10 years to improve and compete.  Second, there is real and general concern that I am going to get my ass kicked (and I may). The gym where I do most of my work is not about competing and honestly they are worried that I am going to get others involved in my quixotic activities and get more people beat up. My wife is understandably worried as well. This is the disadvantage of being old enough to know better, you are surrounded by others who know better as well. Finally, the structure of all the easily available training for someone working a serious real-world job while raising kids just isn't structured for someone serious about competing or really serious about the exploration of this particular martial art. Its about health and fitness, which is a role it has certainly served well for me.

So, I have realized that I have to make my own path and hope that my coaches and teachers respect me at this point and the choices I make. Some of these may carry some risk and some may seem inexplicable as part of serious preparation (trying to learn the Wai Kru Ram Muay for example). Its my hope that when I get wherever I am heading that it will make sense to them.